Jose Padilla, the lovable scamp who was going to murder us all with a 'dirty bomb' and then disappeared into a shadowy network of prisons where he emerged five years later a sadistically tortured vegetable, is finally set for trial.

The Chicago gang member turned "terrorist mastermind" turned "guy who might have had lunch with a terrorist one time" was among the first major arrests in the newly christened War on Terror. After his arrival at O'Hare airport in 2002 he was immediately seized by federal agents under suspicion of planning a fiery reign of destruction across his former hometown.

His arrest led to 'Dirty Bombs Will Fucking Kill Us All Mania!', the high point of which was the eventual suggestion in 2003 that plastic wrapping yourself in your living room was all that stood between you and nuclear annihilation. In a hilarious turn of events, it turned out that that bit of advice from the Department of Homeland Security lead to almost immediate asphyxiation.

Padilla, who recently won the right to a trial after being originally declared an "enemy combatant" after his arrest, has seen most of the original charges against him dropped; as his trial convenes in Miami his plot against Chicago is noticably less specific, and nobody can seem to find any evidence of a 'dirty bomb'.